I was at a kids' birthday party a week or so ago, discussing the relative merits of juice with a handful of other parents.

Yes, I lead an exciting life.

The thread had started when the hosts offered up juice boxes all around, and my wife and I discussed whether to give one to Joe, who, despite being 21 months, had never had juice. Undeniably, juice is refined sugar, and we're very reluctant to make it a part of Joe's diet, though in the end, we gave it to him.

One of the parents, Meredith, was completely down with the distinction but another asked, "but aren't there vitamins in apple juice?"

The perfect question! The answer is yes, but does that, in itself, matter? I say no, not out of context.

Actually, in this context, the apple is the context! (Stay with me). In the abstract, vitamins are good, necessary building blocks of health. But apples aren't healthy only because of the vitamins, and if you keep them but throw away other stuff, you're throwing away some of the health. As Meridith said, "why not just give him the apple?"

The fact is, you can say something "health-like" about many things that aren't healthy — "Calling Trader Joe's!" (above). Yes, frosted flakes are fat free and low in sodium, but few responsible parents would argue that processed-sugar-showered flakes formed from processed flour are the cornerstone of a healthy diet.

A popular front-of package claim is "high in fiber." You know what else is high in fiber? Plywood.

A companion fallacy is when a food processor proclaims that its product has been "fortified" with vitamins and minerals. (Andy Bellatti kicked ass on this topic yesterday.)

Here are two points I'd add, one obvious and one shamefully puerile (see if can you tell which is which):

1: When food processors "fortify," it's almost always because they've already processed out most of the nature of the plant(s) they started with (if, indeed, they started with plants) and need something to brag about on the package.

2: If someone served you a big pile of steaming crap, literally human feces, on a plate and then sprinkled vitamin C on it, saying, "don't worry, it's fortified," how would that work for you?